Mental Contact Page 8

  “What do you have drawn between Delta and Zeta?”

  There was another orbit drawn between those two planets, but instead of a mystery planet marked on it, I had added little dots and labeled it ‘belt.’ “An asteroid belt.”

  Little beads of sweat were forming on my brow. My stomach clenched and I felt nauseous. Everything on my map felt familiar somehow, even though I didn’t know what it was. On the last orbit, there was a second small planet following Chi. On some level, it all felt right, yet intellectually I knew the diagram was all wrong.

  I could feel all the blood drain from my face. Last sleep shift, I had stayed awake and worked tirelessly on my plan. I remembered pulling out the papers and jotting every detail down. How did I forget about adding extra planets and an asteroid belt to the map?

  I looked up out at the stars through the windows high above us. My eyes widened as I watched them. They seemed to flicker for a moment before shining steady. Then an entirely new array of stars appeared, overlapping the ones I was familiar with. Now you see what I see. I was dumbfounded, scared, and awestruck all at the same time.

  “Jake, are you still with us?” Ford asked as he squeezed a hand on my shoulder.

  “You’ve stopped taking your medication.” Doc said. There was no doubt in his voice that what he said was the truth.

  I looked from Doc to Ford then back to Doc. I must have had a wild look in my eyes because Cory slunk back away from my side, putting some distance between us.

  They had all affirmed their belief: I had lost my grasp on reality and could no longer be trusted. I had to be put down like the dangerous animal I was. But we were still on the wrong course. As soon as I was sedated, we would all be as good as dead. They want to kill you.

  I had to prevent that. If my shipmates didn’t want to live, that was on them. But I was going to survive.

  Ford’s grip on my shoulder tightened. “I know you don’t like the sedative, but we really have to put your best interests first.”

  I tried to squirm away from his grip. They’d still have to take me to the medical room at the back of the ship to put me under. But when Doc got up from the pilot’s chair, I saw he already had the syringe in his hand.

  “No,” I said, pushing myself from the chair. Cory was no longer to my left, so I went that way. “No, you can’t. You’ll kill us. You’ll kill all of us.”

  “Everything’s going to be just fine,” Doc said. “You’ll wake up, this trip will be over with, and you’ll be back on firm ground.”

  Doc made his way closer to me. My mind was racing. I had to find a way out. I couldn’t let him inject me with that syringe. Digging a hand into my pocket, I squeezed tight on my ball.

  As soon as the idea hit, I went through with it. Within a second, the ball went from my pocket to careening through the air and knocking the syringe out of Doc’s hand. I didn’t wait to see his reaction and launched myself from the commander’s chair toward the door. I made my way down the hall as quickly as I could, but stopped suddenly midship. Between the lavatory and the mess, on the floor of the hallway, was a red lever. I yanked it, releasing a large square door. I pushed aside the floor tile and dove down the narrow passage. At the bottom were four pods. I entered into the first one and slammed the door shut.

  I thanked the stars that the pods had been designed to work even in an electrical failure. I’d be able to eject it without interfacing with a panel. Ford climbed down the narrow passage and looked into my pod. I strapped on the safety restraints and tightened them before slamming down the large red button. The pod lowered away from the passage, and I could see Ford through the small window yelling something at me. The pod rolled out through a hole in Paradido’s hull before the blasters initiated. My body slammed against the restraints, knocking the wind out of my lungs as I watched Paradido get smaller and smaller through my little window.

  I sat huddled in the corner. All I wanted was to get better and return to my normal life. I never thought I’d get locked up and forgotten.

  Dr. Ryan had already prescribed the gamut of antidepressant medications. Currently, I was on mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics. My mind felt dull as dirt. My body was no longer my own, just a sack of meat which required the occasional feeding and cleaning.

  My hair had been shaved off. The only clothing I had was a thin gown. I stopped eating and sleeping. Life was no longer worth living, so I just spent my time in the corner waiting for it to end.

  A pair of icy blue eyes peered through the small window of my door. I no longer cared who came in and out of my little prison. The nurses never talked to me. They would stab me with needles, deliver bland food which I barely ate, and on occasion escort me to the showers. There, they’d watch me stand under the hot water for a minute before declaring I was clean enough and hauling me back to my room.

  I looked back down at my knees as I listened to the door click open and shut. I waited a minute for this nurse to do whatever she had come for and leave. When a couple minutes passed and she didn’t do or say anything, I looked back up at the door. “Lola?”

  She nodded solemnly. She wore a glittering white sweater which came down to her knees and no slacks or shoes. “Don’t let the doctors take me away.”

  “That’s the point, though, isn’t it? You’re just a delusion.”

  “Jake…” She bit her lip for a moment before continuing. “I am very much real. Just as real as you, this room, and Theta. Please don’t doubt that.”

  I didn’t have the energy to argue with her or anyone else.

  “I need your help.”

  Tears stung at the corners of my eyes. I was the one who needed help. She wasn’t even really there.

  She looked over her shoulder like she was afraid of something behind her. “Don’t let go. I will always be here for you; you just need to want to find me.”

  I coughed, trying to stop the swell of emotions from pouring out. “You weren’t there for me when I was sent to this place. It’s your fault I’m even in here.”

  “Please don’t blame me. I’ve been with you this entire time; you just couldn’t see me.” She looked over her shoulder and urgently said, “Even if you can’t see me, I’m with you. Don’t shut me out.”

  I buried my head in between my knees as I heard the door open and close again.

  “Time for some new meds.” I didn’t move or respond to him as he injected something into my shoulder. “You smell. I’ll put you on the shower schedule for this afternoon.”

  I didn’t see Lola again after that for over ten years.

  •••

  I woke up on the cot. Everything felt fuzzy. My vision was blurry, and sounds seemed like they were echoing down a long hall. My skin felt half numb, and I couldn’t smell a single thing.

  “How do you feel today, Jake?” Dr. Ryan asked. He sat on a stool next to my cot, leaning over my face.

  “Terrible.” My mouth and throat felt dry. He gave me a small paper cup of water and I took a tentative sip before passing it back.

  “I think we’ve finally found a treatment plan that’s going to work.” He sounded overly cheerful, like the current haze I was in was a good thing. “There will be a few side-effects, but I think, in time, you’ll adapt nicely.”

  I swallowed hard, trying to get my tongue to cooperate. “I can go back to the academy?”

  He gave me a brief smile. “It’s too early to tell. For now, we’re going to get you acclimated to the medication and see if you need any additional meds to manage the side-effects.”

  “What side-effects?”

  “Don’t worry about that right now. Just try to get some rest.”

  A while after Dr. Ryan had left, a nurse came in to summon me. He took me to the shower, but instead of handing me another thin robe, he gave me slacks and a shirt. As I got dressed, I could tell that I had lost a good bit of weight. The slacks drooped low past my waist. I wasn’t allowed to have a belt, so I was constantly tugging the waistband back up.

 
; Once I was decent, the nurse led me down an unfamiliar hallway to a small room which looked similar to my own room, except instead of a cot, there were a couple of chairs. I took a seat in one and waited, not sure what to expect.

  A woman with red hair and bright-red lips who wore a tight white uniform came in. “Good afternoon, Mr. Metcalf. I’m Alicia Gibbs. I’m here to give you the SBSE: Standard Battery of Sensory Examination. Have you ever taken the SBSE before?”

  “No.”

  “That’s fine, I’ll explain each part as we go through. For this segment, just answer the questions quickly and honestly. There are no right or wrong answers. We’re just looking at how your senses experience different stimuli. There’s no passing or failing, just a scale to see where your senses are currently performing. Do you have any questions before we begin?”

  I could barely put a thought together, let alone a question about some unknown exam. She must have taken my silence as a no.

  She took a pad from a clip on the door and powered it on. “We’ll begin with the visual segment. This first part is to determine the range of colors your brain can process.” She held the pad flat in her lap. “I have a forest full of animals. What color is the bird?”

  I looked from her face to the pad and back to her face.

  She repeated her statement. “I have a forest full of animals. What color is the bird?” I stared at her face, my expression dumbstruck. “Jake, can you hear me?”

  “Yes.”

  “What color is the bird?”

  I had no idea what she was talking about. The pad in her lap was still off.

  “What color is my hair?”

  “Red.”

  “What color is the bird?”

  “I don’t see a bird.”

  She tilted her head slightly. “Can you see the forest?”

  “I don’t understand,” I said. “How am I supposed to see anything if the pad is still off?”

  She bit her lip for a moment, clearly thinking hard. She stood up abruptly. “Please excuse me for a moment.” She left, leaving me alone yet again.

  I later learned that loss of some fine detail recognition was common with my new medication. But I was the first person that couldn’t see any of the holo-chromatic spectrum. Unfortunately for me, Xenastam had been a last resort and my only prospect for living outside of the hospital. I could either continue to live in the Nazarian and Ryan Institute for the rest of my life, or I could take the miracle drug which removed my last shred of hope for becoming a pilot or even living a normal life.

  •••

  Since the emergency pod propelled away from Paradido in the same direction the ship was already traveling, I would actually reach Zeta before Paradido, given they changed their course back toward the planet. Even so, I would only beat them by a few hours.

  The hours on the pod were tortuously boring. I couldn’t interact with the panel at all, the only food available was tasteless rations, and Lola remained absent, leaving no one to talk to. The pod’s navigation was automated, pulling to the closest strong source of gravity. If I had been able to see the display, I would have had the option to choose where the pod would land.

  My watch was the only indication of the passage of time. The little window quickly fogged over, leaving me no view of the stars or even the planet I was heading toward.

  With no stimulation, I spent most of that time sleeping. While napping, I felt a sharp tug on my restraints which shocked me awake. I could finally feel the pull of gravity. The parachute must have caused the jolt as my descent slowed. I tried to wipe all of the moisture off of the window, but it was no use. All that was outside was darkness.

  Darkness. I was in deep trouble.

  Zeta was a lush planet with sandy red soil, deep green plants covering much of the ground, and bright blue skies. But all of that was only on the bright side. Zeta’s day cycle exactly matched its year cycle, dousing half of the planet in perpetual sunshine. The other side which faced away from Trappist was barren and cold.

  Since it was a large planet, landing on the dark side would be a death sentence. There was no way a person could traverse halfway across the surface of Zeta. My only hope was if I landed close to the dusk belt.

  A few minutes after the parachute deployed, the pod crashed onto the surface. The door unlatched and opened, allowing me to exit. I looked out the entrance at the area around me which was illuminated by lights on the sides of the pod. I could see the soft red sand that was pushed away from the pod’s impact. It was cold out—at least below freezing.

  I unbuckled my restraints and opened the compartment under my seat. Inside was an emergency survival kit packed with items for a variety of terrains and atmospheres. I riffled through the pack and pulled out the thin, silvery blanket, unfolding it and wrapping it around my shoulders. There was a second kit under the other seat which I took as well, along with all of the uneaten rations.

  My body felt heavy as I climbed out of the pod, my muscles straining against the massive gravitational pull of Zeta. I looked up at the sky surrounding me. If I knew exactly which point Zeta was at in its cycle around Trappist, the stars would tell me which way would be the quickest to the dusk belt. As long as I made it that far, I would be set.

  I looked at my watch. It told me universal time, and I just needed to translate that into Zeta time, which could be calculated using Kappa time. I drew out the calculations on the sand with my finger. Once I had a good idea of where Zeta was in relation to Trappist, I could map out which stars would point me in the right direction.

  Sirius. Sirius would be in the middle of the night sky standing at the center of the dark side. I looked up, getting myself oriented. The big dipper was pretty skewed from this angle, but I was able to follow the handle and find Sirius low in the sky. Perfect. I just had to walk directly away from it for the quickest route to the dusk belt.

  I pulled the kits onto my back, clicked on a flashlight, and started walking.

  Once I was acclimated to the new medication, I had a meeting with Dr. Ryan is his posh office. I had been isolated in my tiny room for almost a month. For my meeting with the doctor, I got to wear real clothing with pockets and buttons and sit in a room with windows that looked out to something other than blackness.

  We sat in silence, me perched at the edge of the tufted leather sofa, and him lounging in a comfortable arm chair.

  “What’s on your mind, Mr. Metcalf?”

  I looked up from my hands to his face. If I was being honest, not a whole lot. My once nimble mind now couldn’t pull out a single thought without effort. But there was one burning question which I remembered to ask. “When do I get to leave this place?”

  “If you’d like, right now.” He smiled, and the corners of his eyes crinkled. I still didn’t trust him. He said he was going to help me, but instead he had locked me up and pumped me full of drugs.

  “What’s the catch?”

  “No catch. As of right now, there are two options for your future. The first is that you just leave. You’ll be responsible for yourself. Find a job, a place to live, take care of yourself, and be independent. I just want to let you know that it is an option, if that’s what you really want.

  “However, your second option will allow you much more freedom. You won’t have to worry about finding employment or paying rent. Your time would be your own to do with as you please. The only condition would be to appoint me as your guardian, and I would make sure that you’re taken care of.”

  I sat back. It couldn’t be that simple. There was something that he wasn’t telling me. “I want to be independent.”

  “I thought you would say that. Let me just say this: even though your condition is currently managed, the side-effects will make it nearly impossible for you to hold down a job. Under my care, you would qualify for assistance. You wouldn’t have to work or worry about money for the rest of your life.”

  I hadn’t really thought about what sort of job I would get. My entire life, I had been sure
that I’d grow up to be a pilot. Now that I couldn’t even go back to the academy, I wasn’t sure what options were available. “Would I be able to choose where I live and what I do if I were to make you my guardian?”

  Dr. Ryan paused and leaned forward, steepling his fingers in front of his face. “You would get some input, yes, but the final decision would be mine. Nazarian and Ryan Institute also runs a halfway house you could stay in. There’s staff there who take care of cleaning and cooking. You would be quite comfortable.”

  “I think I’ll take over from here. It’s been real, Dr. R.” I got up and turned to leave.

  He rose as well and stepped between me and the door. “You must take your medication every day. Now that you have a diagnosis, leaving it untreated is an imprisonable offense. I won’t be able to protect you.” He pulled a vial of pills from his breast pocket and placed them in my hand before stepping aside to let me leave.

  The sky outside was brighter than my eyes were used to, and I had to squint as my pupils adjusted. It was a cloudy day, mist hanging in the air. Even with the haze, it was too bright.

  I wasn’t sure where to go. My first instinct was to go back to the academy, but I was on the wrong planet. My things were probably still in my old dorm room. There was no reason to try to go back. I wouldn’t be able to continue to study, and the only things in my dorm were my clothes and pad. I wouldn’t be able to use my pad any longer.

  With only the clothes on my back and the vial of pills rattling in my pocket, I walked along the main road while I tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do.

  •••

  After walking for several hours, I needed to take a break. I sat down on the soft red sand and positioned my flashlight on the ground to illuminate the area around me. I only had a few pouches of water in my kit, but enough rations to last a hundred days.